I’m not quite sure why I feel like emerging from blog-hibernation at 5am on Christmas Day. Penny and I are curled up under blankets and quilts on the sofa listening to the wind raging outside. She is starting to look older, I”m just noticing. Little grey eyelashes and a sleepy look when she gets up to follow me. I feel like I want to take her for a walk in the wind but it won’t be daylight here for hours, so we snuggle.
Although only just beginning, this holiday is full of mixed feelings. We cancelled our plans to spend Christmas at my parents, something I had been looking forward to for weeks. The road kept being shut and with a forecast of very high winds and some snow we just couldn’t risk the trip. The thought of being stuck in a snowstorm in the mountains in our little car, or being blown off the road, or into something didn’t feel like a risk worth taking. And so I am trying to hide my disappointment surrounded by piles of presents for family I won’t get to see in person after all. For the second year in a row Christmas isn’t turning out as it was supposed to. But at the same time I am feeling incredibly grateful, that everyone with a waiting present is safe and warm and mostly healthy. None of us are alone, hungry, or scared. Everyone who we spent this time with in our home last year is still with us, and there is new life growing.
At 8pm last night I was able to call my gift knitting officially done for another year. Is it insane that I then almost cast on for a 2014 Christmas gift? Like many knitters I always have the intention of putting aside a gift or two a month, and why not start at the end of December? If things keep going as they are, in just 7 weeks my knitting time is going to be drastically reduced, so it seems smart to do what I can now. With a little selfish knitting thrown in – the first thing I did after finishing last night was to reach for my First Footing kit.
Right now with the wind howling I am tempted to bake. Our change of plan means we’ll spend a quiet Christmas morning in a largely undecorated and not-very-festive house. I think some nice smells will help. Later we’ll go round the corner to my lovely in-laws, and look forward to the arrival of more family tomorrow.
I am very aware that this time of year can be extremely difficult for some, especially when I think back to how I was feeling this time last year. If you are in that situation I hope you find a little quiet peace over the holidays. I hope we all find a little quiet peace. Much love to you all x
And just because lots of very kind people keep asking, things are still going fine, thank you x There was a brief worry last week but a little monitoring showed that everything was fine. Being pregnant after loss is so completely different. People keep asking me if I’m getting fed-up, or uncomfortable. But every single time I wake up choking with heartburn, or have to sit down for a rest my only thought is ‘I still have heartburn! I am tired! Yay! This is because our baby is still alive, and growing in the way it should!’ Being uncomfortable for this reason is so utterly delightful, and I will always, always be grateful.