some pictures

Some pictures, just because I feel like it. I hope to find some words soon x

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the post

Wow.  It’s been a while.  When you struggle to even login to your own blog and when you do, everything looks different, you know its definitely been a while.

I miss writing here.  Instagram has taken pretty much taken over but I’d love to appear back here more too, we’ll see.

post

So now we have a one-year old.  I still can’t quite believe it, and how lucky we are.  Today Alana, Penny and I took a walk in the bright sunshine and we passed the post that I remember clinging to during the first contraction of labour.  After days of analysing every twinge I took Penny for our daily walk and not far from home the first one came, and it was a big one.  I clung, panting, to the post but somehow didn’t think much of it, and when it had passed continued to walk Penny alone through the woods for more than 2 miles, stopping to grab onto tree trunks the whole way round.  Looking back now that doesn’t seem like the most sensible thing.  But at the time it seemed totally natural and the right thing to do, almost like my body knew that I’d be about to spend a week in hospital and that I was going to need the fresh air.  I remember really wanting to be outside that day.

I find myself thinking back to those days, and my labour in particular so often.  I wonder if that’s normal. It feels sometimes like I obsess over every detail.  I wonder if its because I’m still so overjoyed that our baby is here I’m scared I’ll forget something about her arrival.  I might write out her birth story one day (not here!) and see if that helps.

As if it was even possible, I find myself more and more thankful each day.  Alana is full of smiles and laughter and joy at everything.  Every moment with her feels like the greatest moment ever.  She has started to walk with hand-holding support and yesterday we tottered about the garden and she watched as I fed the chickens with a look of wonder on her little face.  I walked her over to the henhouse and she bent over to stroke them as they fed.  She was so gentle (and unlike the way she is with people often!), she just seemed to know that these were creatures.